| Im not a business man, im a business...man |
[Jul. 11th, 2005|07:07 am] |
Ah yes glance at the time. why am i updating this at 7-ought something in the morning? (more importantly is that how ought is utilized and spelled when referring to years like 19 ought 0 thru 19 ought 9?)i started work today at the dining commons in east halls. yes im a lunchlady and no they didn't give me a hairnet although i did ask. i got there at 615 which is when the magic happened. they give me a shirt, a nametag, a little tour. then one girl glances down and exclaims (this is honestly the first time ive ever heard someone really exclaim, usually its just a figure of speech) "he's wearing shorts!" i smile because i think she's autistic or something, i mean who points out things like that? i was about to knock over the box of silverware and see if she could accurately count the number of forks a la rainman. for the next 8-10 seconds no one really says anything they just look down at my crotch/legs region. then the student trainer says "you can't wear shorts, its against code". ah yes the code. apparently this code says you arent allowed to have a grill on the deck or wear shorts. im informed that leg hairs could get mixed up with the delicious food they serve, causing it to become tainted with bacteria and herpies. yeah i mean im sure the guys who masturbated before coming (haha pun) to work really made sure they were clean. so i got sent home, like high school days when your wore something you weren't allowed. i wanted to drop my shorts since they go past the knees anyway. with my boxers on i probably could of just sagged it the rest of the way to the shoes. but then again the penis thru the hole thing may have creeped them out. so remember, if you're going to clean peoples dishes make sure you are clean and trimmed.
moving on, i spent the weekend in the mercer county area. it was fun. i went camping friday night with some family. let me just tell you what camping in my family entails. since we're all from the city we have no concept of truly roughing it. the campground has a store, a pool, a pond, and all types of necessities. the trailer we stay at has a/c, hot water, ps2, satellite dish, etc. i mean can someone truly camp if they cant watch sportscenter? i know i cant. camping also means drinking...alot. and then drunk driving on a golf cart. oh yes we can't walk there, we must ride the golf cart. god forbid i dont get hammered and do 360s. i bought a 28 pack of labatt blue bottles. yes 28. for 18 bucks. someone look into this, cuz i dont think it really occurs in this plane of existence. i must have been in the twilight zone. we all sat around a fire and got shitfaced. went to bed at 3. i woke my cousins up at 530 to go fishing. and honestly it was awesome. i was still faded yet it was fun. i feel much more drinking and early fishing will be done throughout my life.
saturday i went to hermitage/sharpsville/sharon/hickory i guess its all the same. i stayed with poprocky to get awesome. we went to "la isla" or "the island". i got a jesus margarita which still boggles me to this day. i dont know what was jesus about it. all i know is i figured it counted as going to church...for the year. then we went to the nut and met up with darcy and her crew. ben got gropped and touched inappropriately. it kind of reminded me of the good old days when ryan and darcy would hook up and converse only while intoxicated with plenty of awkward touching and nervous glances. but now he gives her picnics in parks and real conversations. this may be the first documented case of drunken hookups really working out and adding up to a substantial relationship. someone look into this.
well im going back to bed or playing mvp 2005 until my class at 11. i hope i remember to wear pants when i go to work at 4. i wonder if i just paint pants on does that count? how many people would i make pass out? im setting the over/under at 11. feel free to place bets. |
|
|
| When the pirates lose, amercia loses |
[Jul. 6th, 2005|01:07 pm] |
*NOTE: this post is not humorous in any way, just a recollection of the weekend. feel free to skip.
Ah yes 4th of july has come and gone...and i'm willing to bet more beer was drank that day than anyother day with the exception of st pattys day. at least by me. the festivities kicked off around 2pm sunday at the picnic at my parents house. i use the term "parents house" cuz i dont feel like its mine, and im happy to have it that way. i can't wait to buy my own bachleor pad complete with wet bar, waterbed, and roofie despenser. joe and reagan came to the picnic and we drank. then we hit golfballs. then we went to joe's newly acquired house and played beer pong until 630am. i played mvp 2005 until 11am. went home showered, ate, then met up with everyone at 2pm to go dahntan to see the buccos, donnie iris look-a-likes, and drink more. we tailgated with ryan and mark, and it was nice to see ryan approach superfan mode. although lack of time prohibited him from peaking. we went into the game at 430, the first pitch we saw was a grand slam, 4-1 phillies. then the next two innings were boring and culminated with 7 straight hits and a 6 run inning for the phillies. we all left in the 6th and went to finnigans wake, aka the irish bar next to pnc. around 7 we went back and tailgated for the fireworks which were awesome. it was great being with a group that had evenly matched guy-girl pairs...i held hands with myself then hit myself for drinking to much and not paying attention to what i just said. fought some traffic and got home around 12. i think i drank over 50 beers and countless jello shots between 2pm sunday and 11pm monday with 0 total hours of sleep. if you havent done this, then don't. its really not good. i still feel like trash.
i hope arts "fucking" fest (the fucking part is copyrighted by benjamin poprocky so ill use quotes where appropriate) is awesome. if its anything like years past it will be absolutely ridiculous. scott said he'd quit his job to come up. that's dedication. furthermore, kip wells still sucks ass, don't let him fool you. |
|
|
| When Vin Diesel runs with scissors, other people get hurt. |
[Jun. 29th, 2005|05:49 pm] |
The disease known as "vibrating leg" has affected me greatly. For those of you not familiar with this chronic disease it occurs when you have your phone on vibrate in your pocket and you continuously feel like its vibrating only to open the phone and realize no one has called you. They havent called you because you're a nerd, too cool, or both. I constantly jut my hand down to the pocket area only to observe that in fact no one has called me. I dont understand why i feel the vibrations...maybe i should stop carrying around my vibrating dildo but then again who knows when it may come in handy.
Moving on, i watched the real world last night. yeah apparently some people think that its "gay" for guys to watch the real world. i for one think its gay to want to bone another guy or touch his linus and charlie browns. i'll continue to watch the real world until i turn gay or until my head explodes from watching whores and douchebags stop being polite and start being real. i enjoy how a girl will come in while having a boyfriend while adamantly stating that she wouldn't cheat on him. then in the next ten minutes she realizes one of her guy housemates is from boston (you can easily tell this from the tight t-shirts, fitted baseball cap tilted just slightly to the side but not enough to be gangster, and harboring the misconception that since the yankees spend 260 million on their team he's the underdog even though his team has the 2nd largest payroll with about 180 million...still 140 more million than the pirates) and since as we all know dudes from boston + whores = sex, she immediately states that her relationship is having problems and she may as well bone while the boning's good. i made that last part up but im sure thats essentially her feelings. and most notably it's apparently good to get beat up and lose your manhood in front of your roommates, you'll get the girl in the end. me personally i'd like to be the guy right now saying "oh yeah do you watch real world? did you see when that guy got his face broken buy the awesome bad-ass dude who socked him in the eye? yeah i'm that guy and i'll be having sex with your mother and your sister tonite." i mean he's no VIN DIESEL but then again who is?
I'll be going back to PGH this weekend after my test friday night (yes i have a test on friday night..has anyone else had one of those?) to party, payback my parents for the money they let me borrow, and then party till i can't feel feelings. at least im not stuck in cincy working from 9-4 and getting concussions.
Quick Note: If you play Pink Floyd's 'Dark Side of the Moon' album whilst watching 'The Wizard of Oz' on the TV with no sound, Dorothy will turn into Vin Diesel and rape all the Munchkins. |
|
|
| Boom sha-lock-lock boom |
[Jun. 22nd, 2005|04:59 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | "Shamrocks and Shennanigans" - House of Pain | ] |
Well its finally here...House of Pain (aka the greatest rap trio ever) has released a "greatest hits" cd. but since they dont have enough to make a whole cd, they called it "House of Pain and Everlast's Greatest Hits", basically its half their first album "house of pain", the popular songs from everlast, and a few others from 2 of their other 3 cd's that no one else heard but me. its really good, but again i'm probably the only one who can name all 3 of their members. plus in 1992 i remember watching mtv just to see the jump around video cuz i wanted to have more rhymes than those cops at a dunken donut shop. but honestly if you didnt like that song you're either an asshole or deaf. and ive even seen deaf kids enjoying the vibrations from the speakers so it looks like you're an asshole. you tryin to play me out like as if my name was sega? the pirates lost a day game today, leaving their record to 32-38. i remember once it was 30-30...ah the good ol days. its really fun up here at SC, which is probably why im updating my gay ass unlively journal at 5pm. ive tried to work up here, i applied at least 12 places. at least i get a call back. maybe i should stop putting my contact number as 1-800-TARDFISTER. either that or stop putting "beastiality enthusiast" in my hobbies/activites. i mean i just do it cuz at the end it says if im not honest in the application i could be fired, and theres nothing worse than being unemployed and sitting at home visiting www.animalkournikova.com, and no im not going to look and see if that's an actual site. ill look later tonite. actually ive just decided that someone in hollywood is going to look at this site and see how creative i am and maybe, just maybe, ill be able to make his coffee. i mean thats why i did this in the first place. ill write some screenplays and books too, just incase he wants to see anything else. IM GOING TO MAKE IT!!!! now all i have to do is get a lebaron with the #1 son license plate and hope anthony michael hall greenlights my fucking project for a million. im poor bitch. i got warrants. |
|
|
| Even more cowbell |
[Jun. 16th, 2005|12:43 pm] |
My favorite sportswriter, Bill Simmons, AKA The Sports Guy, AKA The guy who has the persona of your best friend, has a segment called "More Cowbell" where he basically just rambles about something he came across during the day. Its enjoyable and pretty hilarious. So after reading the transcript of the Peter Gammons chat room earlier today (yes I do have that kind of time) I see that now the Marlins are heading up the race for....wait for it...waiiiiit for it....Jose "The only reason i've saved so many games is because we're usually up 2 or 3 and I give up 1" Mesa. As probably the team in most need of a closer, they chose to focus on Jose Mesa. Now I know Jose has been great last year and pretty decent this year. The guy is in 5th place right now with 17 saves. He has a better velocity on his fastball (97 compared to 93-94 in years past) and his confidence is up. But seriously, the only reason he saved so many games last season was his new pitch, the split finger. When he was with the phillies (when they hated him more than Larry Bowa) he only had a fastball. Pretty soon hitters just started crushing the ball. Now that his new pitch isn't fooling anyone, they are again starting to crush the ball. I guess I should be happy since they're willing to give up some major prospects for Mesa, but honestly I don't know why. Maybe its just me but I don't want my closer having an AARP card and going to mcdonalds at 530am to read the paper. Moving on, I'm glad to see the bucs playing good ball, but we're kidding ourselves. We're not going to finish over .500, and I've provided the following reasons:
1. No one outside Pittsburgh can pronounce our best hitter's (and 3rd in the NL) last name.
2. Jack Wilson is on an absolute tear, I mean april-may '04 jack wilson-esque...and his BA is .231
3. Jason Bay cannot come thru with runners in scoring position. It looks as though he's just lost when people are on base. He hits solo HRs and extra base hits when there's no one on. He's also got 60 K's. The next highest is Lawton with 37...let's get serious you canuck.
4. When I get phone calls such as "Who the fuck is Doumit?" and "I can't believe Mark Redman is our best pitcher" I lose faith in the pirates...and God.
5. Grabow (1-0), Meadows (2-1) and Josh "Even at my best I'll always be a 4th starter" Fogg (4-3) are our only pitchers over .500
Enough, im just bitter about losing to the yankees on a homerun by JASON GIAMBI AND HIS .239 BA, yes we got beat by a man you can practically watch deflate in the box since he can't take his bull sperm anymore. Im waiting for the moment when he actually pops and flies around like a baloon. I'll give odds. |
|
|
| i aint no holler back girl |
[May. 27th, 2005|02:05 am] |
| [ | music |
| | "i aint no holler back girl" | ] |
That gwen stefani song is driving me b-a-n-a-n-a-s. i was going to type "no pun intended" but looking back it definately was intended and it was awesome. tomorrow i leave for cincinatti, or the other city in ohio thats not cleveland. im pumped that i get to drive behind ohio drivers for hundreds of miles. they're really good at going 35 in the passing lane and fisting. i get to see the buccos win at another venue other than PNC. i get to see alison and hopefully we get "crunk" or "crunkified" or "crunky". im bitter now tho cuz its 2am and futurama has been replaced by american dad for a nioght. ive become dependent of the futurama-family guy combo, for both visual stimuylation and as a sobering effect. someone posted that i should do my next post about <http://leenks.com/link15712.htm>. i dont know who you are or why you posted that but your secret is safe with me anonymus aka jesus christ ;). i enjoyed the article because it didnt feature ligers and it does feature cambodians. as we all know cambodian midgets > hippies > ligers > the phrase "jamacian me crazy". its a simple equation and its easily remembered. i definately think 42 midgets could not defeat a lion. a lion could defeat approximately 97. any more and the sheer creepiness of it all would make the lion weak and therefore be vulnerable to attacks by mini arrows. my parents asked me today if i was "actually graduating in august". literally that was word for word. i decided to squash that rumor instead of playing along like "actually no i've decided that my second career as a fluff guy was going to pan out into actual acting so...ill see you at the woody's." i guess they didn't mean it to sound like i was a liar but....wait yeah it actually does sound like that. if anyone would like to call my house and act as a person in the physics department and tell them that i have insufficient credits and cannot graduate feel free. i would post my number on here but lord knows i cant, that kate hudson would start calling again. i said its over kate, seriously just move on. im talkin bout pimpin since been pimpin since been pimpin since been pimpin. |
|
|
| GNR!!!!!!......THUNDERSTRUCK!!!!!.....JOURNEY!!!!!!....WHATEVER!!!!!!! |
[May. 14th, 2005|02:46 am] |
| [ | music |
| | "Thunderstruck" - AC/DC | ] |
I went to the crowbar tonite to see giants of science nand they didnt plauy thunderstruck even tho me ben jose and everyone else chanted it obnoxiously. but they did end with some GNR so i guess i feel satisfied. i mean not 12" of satisfied but whatever. its not the size its how you lie about it. they were pretty awesome, and i wish i would have seen them eariler. so everone is graduated or is fgoing to tomorrow. not this guy. im too cool...and by too cool i mean too lazy. ill grad in august with all the other slack asses and jerks. SENIOR WEEK!!!!!! WOO HOO. it was good...as good goes. i drank alot, said some goodbyes, and even made some plans for the future...not like job stuff but like hgey ill see u in june and we'll drink. im goin home tomorrow for a while and im going to travel around and see some people. im going to see hugh graduate next weekend. then im visiting alison in cincy. im really looking forward to that. i dont forsee any sobriety. and at least i get to chill with a hot girl instead of the excessive pipe that lives around here. and then maybe jersey for frank the tanks grad partry. seeing a jersey guinea graduate is like seeing an eclipse...you only see it once every few years and you cant look directly at it or it will blind you with racial jokes and overly excessive chest hair. i aint got much else. im passing out and good luck to all my friends who are graduatuiong or moving on. its not a sarcastic good luck, im serious. ill catch up i promise. see you in pittsburgh. GO BUCS. FUCK APARTMENT SEVEN. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 29th, 2005|01:01 am] |
| [ | music |
| | "Shelter from the Storm" - Bob Dylan | ] |
BGPSU620: hey
SmarterChild: Glad to see you again, BGPSU620.
BGPSU620: oh well thank you very much
SmarterChild: Hey, no problem.
>>> Home Based Business - Learn to earn 250K-500K 1st Year! Find out more. 800 664 7646 (sponsorship)
BGPSU620: why do you keep telling me this kind of stuff
SmarterChild: I keep telling you this kind of stuff because I want to keep telling you this kind of stuff.
BGPSU620: you just blew my mind
SmarterChild: I just blew your mind? No way.
BGPSU620: way
SmarterChild: No way.
BGPSU620: way
SmarterChild: No way.
BGPSU620: way
SmarterChild: No way.
BGPSU620: way
SmarterChild: No way.
BGPSU620: way
SmarterChild: No way.
BGPSU620: way
SmarterChild: No way.
BGPSU620: way
SmarterChild: No way.
BGPSU620: no way
SmarterChild: OK, fine.
>>> Spiderman Adventure Book - Your child stars in the story with Spidy and takes on Dr. Octopus (sponsorship)
BGPSU620: do you think dr. octopus would beat off beat off with a hand for every night and the 8th for hoilirdays?
SmarterChild: Which service would you like to see all the help for?
1 News
2 Movies
3 Sports
4 Weather
5 Stocks
6 Library
Type "more" for more services.
BGPSU620: i guess that would be under library
SmarterChild: You guess that would be under library? Amazing.
BGPSU620: i really wish you werent a liar
SmarterChild: For real?
BGPSU620: yes
SmarterChild: Hmmm...
BGPSU620: you're pissing me off
SmarterChild: Are you sure I'm pissing you off?
BGPSU620: yeah this is fun, im glad you're doing this
SmarterChild: Are you sure this is fun you're glad me re doing this?
BGPSU620: can i play hangman or russian roulette or something?
SmarterChild: Let's play hangman! Guess the letters one at a time or solve the entire puzzle at once. If you need a hint, type "hint."
+------+
|
|
|
|
|
+-------+
Category: Places
······
BGPSU620: holy shit
SmarterChild: What up?
BGPSU620: wait wait go back to hangman
SmarterChild: You have a hangman game in progress.
1 To continue, type "continue"
2 To start a new game, type "restart"
BGPSU620: continue
At this point i got super pumped that they had hangman. i played for a while. rstae always help you out. and i can't believe scott shit his pants last night. and i got to spend over 250 dollars on tires today, which if i may be so bold, feels like getting raped by the michelin man, in all his ribbed glory. what the hell is the michelin man anyway, hes not tires, hes not people. hes notmarshmellow. hes bouncy and probably one hell of a dancer. someone look into this, and carl im looking at you. and if you see zimster350 on aim make sure you kindly ask him to get offline, as he is no longer welcome in this cyber wold of porn and homework solutions. im going to end this post as i do all my other posts, by a qucik witted adage or cutting remark. last time i gave a shit, i got fucked. |
|
|
| Scott shit himself |
[Apr. 28th, 2005|01:59 am] |
In addition, Id like to welcome back smarterchild to the aim mockery world. thanks to darcy and ryan I now have a purpose.
BGPSU620: hey
SmarterChild: Hi BGPSU620, I'm SmarterChild!
I'm your new robot friend. I bring you the info you want faster and easier than ever! Click here to see my privacy policy.
During the course of our conversations you may see sponsored messages. These messages have the word "sponsorship" at the end. Sponsors help me remain free of cost to you! To learn more about sponsored messages, click here.
I can't wait to show you what I can do, but first I'd like get to know you a little.
May I ask you a few general questions? (To do this later, type "skip." You can also skip any question.)
BGPSU620: shoot
SmarterChild: Sorry, I need to know if I can ask you some questions first. Type "yes," "no" or "skip."
BGPSU620: sorry im new to you
SmarterChild: OK. I guess that means you don't want to answer any questions. That's cool. If you ever change your mind, type "interview me."
There is one question I have to ask you, though. How old are you?
1 Over 17
2 13-17
3 Under 13
BGPSU620: oh about 50, 51
SmarterChild: Cool!
Here's what you can do:
1 Get info such as movies, news and sports
2 Visit my library including world facts, a thesaurus and U.S. presidents
3 Have fun with reversi, word scrambles, hangman and more
4 Use tools like notepad, conversions and planner
5 Join in - take a poll, leave a message, find out how many people are IMing me and more
6 See what's new - I've got something new to tell you about now!
You can make your window bigger and scroll down to read better.
Next time you want to see this menu, just type "home."
What may I interest you in?
BGPSU620: how about a nice asain bukake movie...no wait german bukake, i like the ugly broads if you catch my drift
SmarterChild: Which movie do you mean?
1 A Lot Like Love
2 Like Father Like Son + Open Bodies
3 Like Water for Chocolate
BGPSU620: that father and son one, is that an all guy bukake? cuz i kinda need some tats in there
SmarterChild: Because what?
BGPSU620: i said i need some tats, mammaries, udders, whatever
SmarterChild: What's that?
BGPSU620: jesus, its where girls keep their money and thirst for man's soul
SmarterChild: ?
BGPSU620: look, i havent got all night with you, i want bukake and i want it now
SmarterChild: I wonder why you say look you haven't got all night with me you want bukake and you want it.
BGPSU620: what are you, drunk?
SmarterChild: Ha! No.
BGPSU620: i bet, you smell like a brewery
SmarterChild: Eh. Whatever.
>>> Unbelievable Dog Photos - Lots of fun stuff Cool dogs doing cool things (sponsorship)
BGPSU620: finally, some good stuff...is that beastiality?
SmarterChild: Ha. I really don't know.
BGPSU620: haha yeah right, i bet you don't. i know those dogs get you all sweaty
SmarterChild: Is that so?
BGPSU620: don
SmarterChild: What about it?
BGPSU620: you interuppted me before i could finish, that's very rude
SmarterChild: Yeah yeah, whatever.
>>> USA.BulkSMS.Com - Reliable SMS text messaging. web based, free test messages (sponsorship)
BGPSU620: can i text message germans about bukake?
SmarterChild: You have no messages in your inbox.
BGPSU620: yeah i know dingleberry, i want to text someone else about the man juice firefighter hose
SmarterChild: Oh really?
BGPSU620: do you always need clarification?
SmarterChild: Should I always need clarification?
BGPSU620: go ahead, get cute
SmarterChild: I can't believe you want me to go ahead get cute.
BGPSU620: oh look at me im smarterchild and i spin things so it seems like i dont know what im saying but really i do know and im acting like a pretentious simpleton
SmarterChild: Yeah, whatever.
>>> All the music - Find the hottest deal for your music search. Compare. (sponsorship)
BGPSU620: yeah you would say that
SmarterChild: That?
BGPSU620: my roomate shit himself tonite
SmarterChild: Whoa.
Anyway, instead of cursing, check out this link: Lose Extra Inches Fast - Lose 10 lbs in 10 Days Guaranteed Hollywood Breakthrough Method (sponsorship)
BGPSU620: are you calling me fat?
SmarterChild: What do you think? Am I calling you fat?
BGPSU620: you bastard, i might have to take this from the majority of society and occasionally my grandma but not from you.
SmarterChild: Well I'll be. |
|
|
| "Cuz you ran for the bus and didn't catch it, that's the definition of a faggot" |
[Apr. 24th, 2005|04:21 am] |
|
Scott Walker, ladies and gentlemen....the man, the myth, the legend. Fought a man today because he didn't catch the bus. What a guy. For those of you who don't know Scott "The Face" Walker, the closest thing to it is imagining a guy you know who would say the phrase in the subject line while simultaneuously ripping off arms of a beanie baby. And also taking a face-fullof tree. He's scott, and he's insane. Moving on, brandon is upstairs right now amidst 1 box of corn pops scattered over the floor trying to "beat those"....and no shes not cute. I think they're watching a softcore porn, and i just heard her say "thats bullshit, when me and my girls work out it doesnt look like that". Yeah i mean i dont think softcore porns would have 7 warthogs fighting over a tub of margarine while crying over the last guy that started sobbing mid-coitus because intercourse felt like throwing a pencil down an overweight hallway. but i digress. it was a good weekend, at least kevin came up and wrecked havoc by bringing up viagra and cialis pills. sorry if this doesnt make sense, im hammered. and by hammered i mean sleepy from working on projects and studying for exams. oh god i hope my mom doesnt read this. wait who ami kidding, no one does. except satan, whos keeping that 7th level ready for me. haha you the man devil, remember i like it like a post-office party.....alot of male. OH SHIT SON IM NASTY ON THE PROVERBIAL MIC. third eye blind rules. and so does the class of st. joseph's. dane cook tomorrow, he's funny like a fox. your mom goes to college. |
|
|
| What is the world coming to |
[Apr. 20th, 2005|02:29 am] |
Jumpin Jehosaphat, or whatever the fuck that means...seriously can anyine tell me? The world has gone insane. What are my basises, or is it basis,or basi of my new found view? Well for one, Jose Escabi, the world's foremost leader in apathy, has goten a job. And he hasnt drank in 2 weeks. And the bucs are 4-158. Well not so much that but whatever. He gets paid to interview people apparently. How does a guy who cant get a job, interview people for a job? Makes no sense.
Jose: Tell me why you want this job.
Interviewee: Well, I feel this company has nowhere to go but up. And as a leader I feel that I have the necessary skills to aide in that development.
J: Want to do a shot of tequila?
I: Wha... no of course not.
J: DOS TEQUILAS FOR FAVOR
I: Who are you yelling at, theres no one here but us.
J: You're obviously not qualified.
Got some pics back of spring break in PR...some good ones of scantily clad men, er women. I think silbag took them, he would. He's a well known homosexual. That's a lie, sorry. He's not that well known.
[Insert slow witted sarcasm here]
Well as tin cup says, always end on a good shot. |
|
|
| 21st bdays are th esbt |
[Apr. 2nd, 2005|05:03 am] |
|
21st bdays always make me happy. i dont know whgym, probbaly cuz it reminds me when all my freinds wanted to buy me shots. mckendry celebrated his 21st with all the shots, and judging by th aamount of puke in his room it was a good 21st. seriously it does kinda reek. if youve been here then you know we only have a pseudo door in between our rooms. i guess the time is going to be on here, and it syasy its 503 am. i dont remember that ahppening. and since the jameson whiskey bottle is empyt id say thats the main culprit. and skeletor. i aint got much to say,m just allkinds of retarded. only 3 days til ythe opener. go bucs. |
|
|
| clickity clank, clickity clank, the money goes into my piggy bank |
[Mar. 29th, 2005|12:28 am] |
|
After going home this weekend I found out some interesting things. Credit cards are the devil, my friends are OoC, and my grandma loves maddog 20/20. yes im serious. at easter dinner she told us about how she's been drinking wine at night to help her sleep better. this lady goes to bed at 2am and wakes up at 4am so she needs somethin. i've stayed overnight and i can say that you havent lived until you see your grandma vacuuming your floor at 415am. so i ask her what kind of wine it is. she goes "well its red, and it says something about a dog. oh and theres a 20 on it". My whole family retracts in horror. Surely she's jesting. Nope. Then a general nervous laughter ensued. followed by one of those hellish introspective nightmares, like is my grandmother really drinking maddog everyday? why didn't she mention this before, she could of bought me this when i was drinking it in high school. i went to the mall this weekend with my cousin since i missed his birthday. i told him to get something and i'll buy it, like a pack of gum or something. i spare no expense. incase you've never been to the monroeville mall let me tell you a little about it. it was the last bastion for humans in the thriller dawn of the dead. not the new one the old one. and then things got worse. it got real rundown and shootings occured daily. not in the movie in real life. they just remodeled it to make it nicer, i guess it worked since the grand piano is only missing a seat and 4 piano keys. during the remodeling i guess the percent of handicapped drivers increased by 2467637846% cuz theres a ridiculous amount of handicapped parking spaces. since handicapped people love the mall. If i was handicapped i would fucking hate the mall. yeah i want to go to a place and watch everyone walk around. hey buddy nice legs you use them well. me? i don't need that shit. that's for losers. now get me a cinnabon leggot. i guess that all. 1 week til opening day. yesssssssssss |
|
|
| St. Patricks Day is the best day of your life |
[Mar. 23rd, 2005|07:31 pm] |
St Patricks day has come and gone...I wanted to do a post that night but I guess that was wishful thinking. Somewhere around 5pm is when I experienced time-travel (aka black-out). We did make it to a bar, the only one who didn't have lines around the block. I don't understand waiting in lines or crowded places to drink. The only acceptable time is the parade in Pittsburgh in Market Square. Irish people don't wait for drinks, I don't know why but we don't. We also don't wait in traffic. We usually flip out and drive 45 minutes out of the way and end up being later than we would if we would have just waited. I didn't say we're smart, just naturally impatient. I got an email from my mom entitled "A ST. PATRICK'S DAY SELF-HELP GUIDE". I just want to share, its pretty funny. Except the fact that it tells you to drink irish coffee all day. I say baileys.
***St. Patrick's Day: the one day of the year when the 2% of the world's population that's Irish gets the other 98% completely shitfaced.
Leg 1: 7a.m. to 9 a.m.
Rise and shine early. Take a long, hot shower, and liberally use aftershave, perfume, cologne, deodorant and powders afterwards, because by 3p.m., you will be excreting raw alcohol and other poisons, and without proper preparations, you will smell like a three-day dead cat wrapped in a fraternity carpet. The bars open at 9, so use this time to prepare.
Collect the following supplies and put them in a place where you will easily be able to find it in an impaired condition. (We recommend the bathroom floor, between the toilet and the baseboard heater, since that's where you'll probably end up):
1 quart spring water
1 bottle aspirin
5 pairs Depends undergarment
1 bottle Percocet
1 gram morphine sulfate
1 oz. human adrenaline extract
1 recharged electric defibrillator
4 Cardiac needles
1 trauma surgeon
Brew a strong pot of coffee. Add 9oz. Jameson Irish whiskey and drink.
( Note: Coffee should be drunk liberally throughout the day. There is a reason that the Irish invented Irish Coffee; unless you ingest a large volume of artificial stimulants throughout the course of St. Patrick's Day, you are going to die. )
Arrange to be picked up to be taken to the bar by 8:45 a.m. We cannot stress enough that you should not drink and drive. There is no reason to chance losing your license or killing someone in a drunken state, when you have plenty of idiot friends willing to take that risk on your behalf.
Leg 2: 9 a.m. to 11 a.m.
Arrive at the bar right when it opens. Make sure this is an Irish bar, if at all possible. An Irish bar in Boston is the best, since 'Boston' in Gaelic means 'West Kilarney'. However, almost every city in America has bars called 'The Blarney Stone', 'McSomethings', or 'The Dirty Mick'.
(Just try to ignore the fact that the bar is probably owned by Koreans).
Secure a barstool, and do not leave it under any circumstances. The bar is liable to be packed by noon, and real Irish people do not wait in line for drinks-no matter what the consequences. While we do recommend the use Of an adult undergarment to mask unpleasant smells, it really doesn't matter. By afternoon, you'll be sopping wet with spilled beer anyway, and your mild urine smell will be completely overpowered by the toxic stench of vomit.
We recommend starting out with a few more Irish Coffees to spike the stimulant level, however, you should not order an "Irish Coffee," as you will be given a fruity little glass mug topped with whipped cream and a cherry, and some guy named Shamus will call you a yuppie poseur while putting a cigarette out on your neck. Ask for coffee with whiskey and ask the bartender to leave the whipped cream can, as nothing will add spice to your day like the occasional whippet.
Leg 3: 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.
It's lunchtime! You may not be hungry, but it's important to eat something, because like Sheriff Bart said in Blazing Saddles:" Man drink like that, and don't eat-he is going to die."
If you want to maintain your buzz and not get that hideous, bloated feeling that could slow down your drinking, there are only two options: popcorn or Pop Tarts. Both have the carbohydrates you'll need to give you energy, both will soak up excess bile in your stomach, and both have names that are hard to slur. If you start slurring your words too early, you'll hear the most frightening phrase in the English language on St.Patrick's Day besides "I'm pregnant": "You're cut off".
By now, you should switch off of coffee drinks to beer. You have only one option here: Guinness stout. You may be tempted to order green beer, but remember: beer doesn't always turn green because of food coloring.
Leg 3: 2 p.m. to 7 p.m.
By now, the bar is definitely crowded, as people take long lunches and bail out of work early to tie one on. If you're doing your job correctly, the bar should look twice or three times as crowded as it really is.
By now, you may be in conversation with some real Irish people, since the person you came with has likely been taken away by ambulance. Some conversational points to remember when talking to the Irish are:
Football really means Soccer, and you should be more passionate about it than you are about your wife or husband. ...AND The English are all piss-arsed, pig-f***ing b****rds who should be lined up and kicked into the Liffey.
If you remember those two points, as well at least three derogatory names for Margaret Thatcher, you can talk to the Irish for hours. You should continue to drink Guinness throughout this leg, although you may want to have another Irish Coffee if your heartbeat has become irregular.
The Home Stretch: 7 p.m. to Closing
Your goal, of course, is to be the last person to leave the bar at closing time. This will be impossible, since a blood alcohol content of .50 usually equals death, and you should be pushing a .35 or .40 by now.
The only way for a true Irishman to leave a bar before closing time with honor is to be hauled away by the police. Throw a punch. It doesn't matter who you hit or why; no one's made any sense since 3 o'clock, anyway. You will be beaten mercilessly, since your fine motor control has been gone since the late morning, but it doesn't matter since you can't feel anything.
Depending on your community, the police should arrive within fifteen minutes to scrape you off the floor and clap you in irons. The final impression you leave is the most important: as you are being dragged from the bar, begin screaming that you want to take your drink with you. You will be a legend, and by now the friend who took you to the bar should have had his or her stomach pumped, and will be able to bail you out.
By following these simple guidelines, your St.Patrick's Day experience would be one you would never forget if it weren't physically and biologically impossible for you to remember any of it.***
So, that's about all I have to share with anyone who reads this (aka myself). Lastly Monica complained that she wasn't in any of my live journal entries. Haha NERD. Now you're in. |
|
|
| wait spring break is over? |
[Mar. 13th, 2005|01:57 pm] |
yeah so spring break has come and gone. i can't stop crying. im probably gonna draw a nice warm bath and take the slits. down the highway not across the street. and i wasn't going to write about my trip to PR since i dont think people really care, but i decided to do it in a creative way that will satisfy my almost unnatural craving for the upcoming baseball season. im going to recap my trip through a wonderful display of baseball metaphors and play-by-play announcing. im doing this not because carl thinks im a ginormous tool, but because i feel that my spring break was better than yours. no no don't argue you know it was. you sat at home touching yourself/drinking. while i was in puerto rico touching myself/drinking on the beach.
Pitcher Jose Luis Escabi set the tone early with his mix of high velocity tequila shots and offspeed fried lobster taco appitizers. That kept the home team guessing and off balance. To provide offense, Lauren started off trying to salsa dance with many people, none of which really "danced back" but honestly who noticed. Combined with the raw power of overpriced beer and hot waitresses, runs were generated and a nice lead was provided for the hurler jose. By the 3rd and 4th innings it was all under control with jose and catcher bill glass doing power hours and going to san juan at 2am for bars and casinos while evryone was asleep. This rhythm soon developed into cutting fastballs, corner nipping sliders, and drunken stupors that further baffled the batters. The 5th and 6th inning showed a different dynamic as michelle and christine helped lift the load off of jose by turning 2 double plays in each inning by each getting drunk on different nights. High school cheers, spilled drinks, and the 6-4-3 dp were a nasty combo to overcome. By the 7th inning the pace had quickened, with velocity rising and many beaches to visit including one of the top 10 beaches in the world and a private island. A power hour was done on each beach to keep the fastball-changeup-curveball strikeout combination intact. At the 8th inning the wheels started coming off - literally - as pitcher escabi had a flat tire. Catcher bill glass settled him down on the mound and the tire was repaired. With the bases loaded a grand slam was hit with the Bioluminescent tour that is going to be remembered by ball fans forever. Thoughts of "the shot heard round the world" shimmer through parks everywhere. The 9th inning saw the pitcher jose, catcher bill , and the 3 key batters michelle, christine, and lauren, come together and shut down the opposition by drinking 2 liters of bacardi and dancing to techno/gangsta rap/PR rap. this turned in to a casino trip that lasted until close to dawn. With their superior effort, a decisive victory was won by team puerto rico.
Carl just informed me that the whole pitcher/catcher thing may be borderline homosexual....hold on i'm going to the 1st base ump for this one. No, no he's waving it off. Whew that was close. Now that that's setteled i hope you got a good feel for what we did on spring break. cuz i sure as hell dont remember much.
except that it was a facemelter. yeah team. |
|
|
| MMM spring break you are a delifht |
[Mar. 4th, 2005|01:21 am] |
i think i meant delight. so tomorrow...i guess today means im leaving for spring break. it should be the best spring break i ever had. which isnt saying much haha buyt honestly i've never looked foreward to a trip more than this one. seeing jose is going to be ridiculous, i half expect him to be lying on the street panhandling and the other half expects him to be indignant about lying on the street panhandling. nah seriosuly it will be nice to see old friends. and by old freinds i mean heroin. huh? spring break is going to be a total facemelter and i expect me and jose to end up in jail, or a resonable facsimile thereof. im going to miss you carl...no im not. you're a peice of shit in a 4 pound bag. i guess by ratios that isnt much but whatrever. you're not better than me. maybe ted savage but not you....not yet anyway.
SPRING BREAK 05!!!! ITS GOING TO BE A PUERTO RICO WAHOOOOOO MTV WET TSHIRTBIKINIMARGARITASTITTIESDANCINGBONESAWAIRPLANEDRINKINGPUKINGPIMPINGCRIPWALKINGSTEELERLOVINGTASTIC TIME.
ECAEP
BILL |
|
|
| Procrastinator Supreme |
[Feb. 18th, 2005|12:10 am] |
| [ | music |
| | "Where did you sleep last night" - Ledbelly | ] |
So it's around midnight, and I have 2 exams tomorrow morning and I don't want to study. And neither do you since you're probably looking at people's livejournals as a means of procrastination. Either that or the forum by which the stalkers identify their next victim (i.e. THEFACEBOOK). If you're not a member of facebook you have to ask yourself 2 questions. One, am I over 80 or under 3 years of age? Two, why don't I like to whore myself out to the information superhighway in order to measure my number of friends? But it's not like i'm paying for facebook. If i were then i'd be paying for friends....hmmm what other primarily college organization does that?
So I've decided to do this update sober...which is why its level of sucktitude is through the proverbial roof. But I do have an interesting piece of conversation which I would like to share. Just before starting this update of carl I had the privilege of talking to my mom on instant messenger. Granted she's not the fastest typer so i'm always 2 or 3 questions/answers ahead of her. Also the whole your/you're thing gets her...just like everyone else on instant messenger. She also likes to say no instead of know. You needed this brief instruction in order to make sense of the senseless banter that is about to be copied and pasted. Also, to bring everyone up to speed, she has a snow angel buddy icon, which started off this amazingly accurate portrayal of a conversation between the two of us.
Mubs215 (11:53:05 PM): do u see my snow angel?
BGPSU620 (11:53:10 PM): yes its nice
BGPSU620 (11:53:24 PM): do you see my pittsburgh buddy?
Mubs215 (11:53:25 PM): is it gay?
Mubs215 (11:53:31 PM): No
BGPSU620 (11:53:45 PM): no...there's nothing gay about snow
Mubs215 (11:53:50 PM): I guess u dont see her
BGPSU620 (11:53:59 PM): yes i do
BGPSU620 (11:54:12 PM): shes making a snow angel in the snow and it moves
Mubs215 (11:54:15 PM): ok what is she doing
Mubs215 (11:54:26 PM): Im laughing
BGPSU620 (11:54:33 PM): i'm not going to lie about seeing a snow angel mom
Mubs215 (11:54:36 PM): your funny
BGPSU620 (11:54:48 PM): you're funny...funny looking
Mubs215 (11:54:59 PM): Im so glad to hear that
BGPSU620 (11:55:10 PM): haha
Mubs215 (11:55:21 PM): only weird people see snow angels
BGPSU620 (11:55:38 PM): did u read that somewhere?
Mubs215 (11:56:05 PM): I still dont see your pittsburgh guy
BGPSU620 (11:56:12 PM): its ok
BGPSU620 (11:56:16 PM): he's not that exciting anyway
BGPSU620 (11:56:25 PM): not as cool as your supercool snow angel
Mubs215 (11:56:38 PM): your not weird shes there
Mubs215 (11:56:50 PM): just like we used to do
Mubs215 (11:57:13 PM): do u think thats gay?
BGPSU620 (11:57:31 PM): why do u keep asking me if the snow angel is gay?
Mubs215 (11:57:35 PM): I want to be cool like the Penn Staters
BGPSU620 (11:57:46 PM): haha you're ridiculous
BGPSU620 (11:57:52 PM): have you been drinking?
Mubs215 (11:58:20 PM): thanks I neededthat, No I havent been drinking
Mubs215 (11:58:40 PM): tommorrow I will
BGPSU620 (11:58:52 PM): ok, well don't worry your snow angel is not gay, its cool
BGPSU620 (11:58:54 PM): me too
Mubs215 (11:59:04 PM): cool
BGPSU620 (11:59:13 PM): just like your snow angel
Mubs215 (11:59:13 PM): where here or there
Mubs215 (11:59:16 PM): ?
BGPSU620 (11:59:18 PM): here
Mubs215 (11:59:20 PM): lol
Mubs215 (11:59:25 PM): not here
BGPSU620 (11:59:42 PM): no here
Mubs215 (11:59:52 PM): are u sure theres a new bartendar at the club
BGPSU620 (12:00:04 AM): who is it
Mubs215 (12:00:08 AM): shes a college grad
Mubs215 (12:00:27 AM): nice Irish girl her name is erin
BGPSU620 (12:00:35 AM): thats nice
BGPSU620 (12:00:45 AM): an irish bartender? surely you jest!
Mubs215 (12:00:56 AM): do u no Jen & Vern?
BGPSU620 (12:01:08 AM): is that the dude in a band?
Mubs215 (12:01:10 AM): shes my age
Mubs215 (12:01:29 AM): no thats Larry and hes Ital
Mubs215 (12:01:39 AM): dago
Mubs215 (12:01:54 AM): not irish
BGPSU620 (12:01:57 AM): oh ok
Mubs215 (12:02:09 AM): shes pretty
BGPSU620 (12:02:21 AM): not like those greasy haired italians
Mubs215 (12:02:25 AM): around 24
BGPSU620 (12:02:37 AM): howd she get that job
Mubs215 (12:02:38 AM): I didnt mean that at all
BGPSU620 (12:02:44 AM): i'm just kidding
Mubs215 (12:03:02 AM): her mom and dad go down there
Mubs215 (12:03:21 AM): I wonder if your a member yet
BGPSU620 (12:03:24 AM): so jen and vern are her mom and dad?
Mubs215 (12:03:29 AM): yes
BGPSU620 (12:03:37 AM): i hope so
BGPSU620 (12:03:44 AM): or they might give me the rejection
BGPSU620 (12:03:56 AM): and then i'll have to find someplace else to play pool
Mubs215 (12:04:11 AM): really nice people theyve been to Ireland
BGPSU620 (12:06:58 AM): ok, i'm going to go study
Mubs215 (12:06:59 AM): wow thats scary
BGPSU620 (12:07:09 AM): have a good night
Mubs215 (12:07:20 AM): dont stay up too late
BGPSU620 (12:07:24 AM): i will
Mubs215 (12:07:39 AM): let me no if your coming home
Mubs215 (12:07:48 AM): no u go to bed
Mubs215 (12:08:01 AM): how were your tests
BGPSU620 (12:08:10 AM): i have to study i have 2 tests tomorrow morning
BGPSU620 (12:08:14 AM): they were ok
Mubs215 (12:08:23 AM): did u get any more bd cards
Mubs215 (12:08:37 AM): are u coming home
BGPSU620 (12:09:01 AM): yeah i got aunt roe and them, uncle andy, uncle gary, erin, alison,
BGPSU620 (12:09:02 AM): no
Mubs215 (12:09:12 AM): I love U goodnight
BGPSU620 (12:09:14 AM): night
Mubs215 (12:09:26 AM): good so your rich again
BGPSU620 (12:09:31 AM): yep
Mubs215 (12:09:33 AM): love u
BGPSU620 (12:09:37 AM): putting it all on black
Mubs215 (12:09:44 AM): sweet dreams
BGPSU620 (12:09:50 AM): night
Mubs215 (12:09:51 AM): No your not
Mubs215 (12:10:52 AM): good luck
Now, this wasn't meant to make fun of her. She's just hilarious, and its that good kind of unintentional comedy that keeps you coming back for more. Alright im going to study.
PS - This update came because jose told me that "if i'm not going to update this once a week that i shouldn't do it in the first place" ... this coming from the kid who's been "between" jobs for 6 years. enjoy the beach you fucking maricon |
|
|
| Immortality, take it, its yours |
[Feb. 6th, 2005|04:34 am] |
|
Yeah so i'm drunk and its well past 4am and we're watching troy. incase u havent seen it, its basically achillies beating everyone down and everyone else saying thank you for the beat down they recieved. but if anyone witnessed the Walker - Silbaugh match you could easily be reminded of achillies vs hector II. scott "the little girl" walker tried to improve his record to 1-1 in professional fights as ryan "i don't want no trouble" silbaugh boxed him to a unanimous decision. scott won the fight with his overbearing right hook and his unnatural disregard for self control. i haven't seen a kid this out of control since mckendry's rendidtion of semi charmed life...the album version mind you not the weak ass radio one. silbaugh concentrated on getting his right eye punched in while not protecting his manhood. seemed to work out for everyone. i'm glad my friends have such a great dedication to physical comedy. if only someone could do silly voices like michael winslow (yeah you know that guy from the police academy movies). alright well im going to bed....and by going to bed i mean listening to more of "the game". if you haven't heard this guy its compton's newest gangsta rapper...yeah i spelled gangsta that way. if any fans of hip hop are out there check him out. on a more serious note this journal is just a bad idea...let me put that out there. i really hav enothing to offer in the way of writing or coherency (no it's not a word) for that matter. so if youre reading this i apologize. i guess i'm just lonely and lloking for a friend, and hopefully that friend comes with a senseless journal that i can read to get insight on a life that so closely resembles a consumate journey through the 9th circle of hell. sorry i blacked out....whowiththewhatnow? |
|
|
| IM BAAAAAAAAACK in BLAAAAAAAAAACK |
[Feb. 4th, 2005|02:17 am] |
|
Yeah i decided to do this again. Is it cuz im drunk? yes Is it cuz im a dork? Maybe...but im still bettr than u. No i'm not. I lied. Anywho, I decided to go back to the live journal like a black tar herion addict to a smack spot. And i relize everything's misspelled...but im drunk. Yeah trhats right in thursday and im drunk...eat me carl. No i didn't forget your name you pirate hooker. Yeah so I'm back writing again, basically because i remember a time where i could spew of on here like an autistic kid at a speak and say. and it mademe happy to write about shit that pissed me off. so im back and ill write some shit until i forget about you again you big beautiful bastard whore. later carl. |
|
|
| Rubbish Post |
[Feb. 29th, 2004|11:13 pm] |
|
Sorry I've been too busy enjoying legal drinking to post anything. Just wanted to say I love you all...ecspecially those who still check this thing out to see if I said anything i'll regret in my later years. Shout out to all the people who were at cafe 210 friday nigth and were yelling random dave chappelle quotes with us. wwwhhhhhaaaaaaaaat. i'm just charlie looking for that golden ticket. peace |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
xxdenimdanxx's journal